A woman from class shared that a friend confided recent episodes of urinary incontinence during sex. Even though bladder control wasn’t an issue at other times, she was concerned enough to make an appointment at the doctor. I immediately suspected the real source of the fluid as Female Ejaculation. Just like this woman, few of us understand our bodies and the responses it is capable of during sex.
In 1982 Dr. Whipple brought female ejaculation into the limelight after scientists had denied its existence for years. While using bio feedback to analyze the effectiveness of Kegel exercises to prevent urinary stress incontinence, she discovered a group of women that already had strong Kegel muscles. In questioning these women, they explained that they only struggled with urinary incontinence during sex, specifically during stimulation of the front wall of their vagina. She then analyzed the fluid expelled and found the make-up statistically different than urine and named it female ejaculation. Whipple realized she had stumbled upon a response written about by Dr. Grafenberg in the 1950’s, but that many scientists had rejected. She named the sensitive area in the front wall of the vagina after Grafenberg, (shortened to the G-Spot), and spent her life educating women about their bodies with books like The G-Spot.
Even today, many people continue to debate the existence of the G-Spot or female ejaculation. Scientists cannot dissect and hold up the G-Spot to prove its existence because it consists of a collection of tissue, rather than a distinct organ. And they have not been able to conclusively determine the source of female ejaculate and they may never. But regardless of scientific studies, I choose to believe my own body. I listen to the many women in class that profess, “yes, there is a g-spot” and “yes, female ejaculation is a real thing”. I choose to enjoy whatever experiences God gives me.
The first year of class as I taught about our bodies, one of the women suddenly had a light bulb go on when I explained female ejaculation. Early in their marriage during a thoroughly enjoyable encounter with her husband, she was mortified when she urinated during sex. Ever since, she hadn’t allowed herself to fully relax for fear of losing control again. Her ignorance had robbed her of experiencing freedom with her husband.
While we must understand what our bodies are capable of, we do not need to add expectations or performance anxiety during sex. As normally happens, the world takes good things and distorts them. Pornography now portrays female ejaculation as women squirting across the room during sex. So much so, that men now ask women “why don’t you squirt?”. We need to understand our body without adding extra pressure or expectations.
So what is female ejaculation?
During extended periods of arousal, scientist believe the para urethral gland that surrounds the urethra sweats small amounts of fluid into the urethra. Often this happens during stimulation of the G-spot but not always. Though not an orgasm, women describe female ejaculation as a pleasurable release that happens before, during or after orgasm. The fluid expelled through the urethra tastes sweet, and doesn’t stain the bad. Some women ejaculate a slight amount and while others require towels or mattress pads for easy clean up.
I don’t know that all women can ejaculate or even that we ought to make it a goal. But I think we need to have freedom to really enjoy ourselves. To let go, stop worrying and to just enjoy. Go to the bathroom before sex and then just relax and trust your body. If you are worried about somehow losing control, you might be missing out on a gift from God.