I often hear from women, “I have no idea what it would mean to be creative during sex”. And it saddens me because God made us in his image – creative beyond our wildest imagination. Think about the variety even when he created bugs. From cute polka dot lady bugs, to skinny praying mantis’ to rainbow colored harlequin bugs. God kind of went wild when it came to creation, and we have the same capacity.
The other night I had this crazy dream. My husband and I were driving in a convertible and I started noticing the street lamps. Each one was unique and made up of huge recycled machinery parts. All of a sudden everything changed, as if we went from regular life to a theme park. Elaborate structures and details filled my mind as our car suddenly became part of an amusement park ride.
When I woke up, I thought,” Whoa, what was that?” So much creativity, who comes up with that stuff?
You know what? I did. Somewhere deep inside of me, inside all of us, God gave us the capacity to be creative. Absolutely unique and different than every other human being. A beautiful pallet of colors, textures, and smells. Hidden underneath all of this busyness I am creative beyond my wildest imagination.
But somewhere along the way we mutate into safe, normal, predictable people that can’t draw a picture or write a song for fear of being criticized or rejected. We cater to the latest style trends and check Pinterest before we decorate our bedroom. Rather than starting with a blank pallet we prefer to google an idea and copy or modify someone else’s. We forget how to dream and express ourselves and we even become blah during sex. When we rediscover the creative person inside all of us, even sex becomes more fun.
Part of the reason we lose our creativity is simply lack of practice. Seldom do we sit down with a blank sheet of paper. We would much rather grab a fancy coloring book and coloring in the lines. My daughter who is an art student spends at least a half hour every single day just sketching. The end result is never graded or critiqued. They simply want her to move her pencil, free her mind, observe the world around her and set her loose to create.
We need to practice creativity without any fear of judgement or criticism. Try sitting at the piano with no music and create your own tune. Get out the watercolors and a sheet of paper, turn on some music and paint what you hear. Set your minds free to daydream about sex and what turns you on. At night, whisper it in your husband’s ear and just enjoy the thought.
We have to create a safe place for us and our loved ones to express themselves. Fear of rejection shuts down creativity. We would rather not create than feel embarrassed when someone laughs. We miss out on life because we constantly compare ourselves. Pride causes us to give up when we feel inadequate. Knowing that our worth comes from God releases us from pressure to measure up or perform.
We must foster trust in our marriage to create a safe place to express ourselves. The best lovers always want to learn more and don’t get upset when something doesn’t go perfect the first time. They share themselves fearlessly.
Some of us have dumbed down our creativity because we don’t allow ourselves to feel. We live in a safe place, missing out on the range of colors, feelings and textures. When you insulate yourself from the immense sorrow of grief you also miss out on the amazing joy of intimate connection.
To broaden your range of expression, think about stretching your senses. Play with the range of temperatures by using ice to tantalize or tease a body. Drink warm tea before giving your partner the most luscious oral sex ever. Get out feathers, or silk and a blindfold to wake your body up to different touch. Go skinny dipping or polar plunge. Wake up and experience life.
Living as the unique person God created you to be takes courage. No longer a carbon copy of everyone else, you expose yourself. But you will experience life in technicolor rather than black and white. Take time to practice creativity without the pressure of outcome. Just enjoy expressing your self. Consider why you might be afraid to express your creativity. Become grounded in who God created you to be and create a safe place in your marriage. Stretch your range of expression and experience something new. Let God set you loose and discover a new way to live.