The Challenges of Enjoying Oral Sex

Oral sex can be one of the sweetest ways for your husband to pleasure you but it has it’s own challenges.

Song of Songs 4:16

Awake, north wind, and come south wind!

Blow on my garden that its fragrance may spread abroad.

Let my love come into his garden and taste its choice fruits


One of the most intimate ways you can allow your husband to “know you”, is through oral sex. Your husband will see, feel, and even taste you in ways that he has never experienced before.  If you surrender and allow yourself to just receive from you husband, you will experience some of the most delicious orgasms possible.

Why Do It?

Oral sex is one of the most successful ways for women to experience clitoral orgasms for many reasons. Our genital tissue is so sensitive that it can be like touching an eyeball – one little grain of sand, (or hangnail) – and it quickly screams with pain. That is why the tongue is such an incredible instrument. It is warm, wet, smooth and completely void of rough spots. It can move in amazing ways, not limited by the restriction of hinged joints. And an added bonus – using the tongue frees up his hands for stroking breasts, nipples, thighs and even massaging the G-spot. What an amazing tool that God has given to our husbands for our delight.

So why do so many women struggle to allow themselves to really enjoy oral sex?

Is it OK?

It begins with our mind. Do we really believe oral sex is ok with God? Actually, do we really believe that oral sex is great with God? Take a stroll through Song of Songs, God’s manual on marital intimacy. It is filled with sensuous smells, tastes and adoration of each other’s bodies, and they lived it with abandon. This couple thoroughly enjoys each other with a freedom that few of us allow ourselves. Don’t put up walls that God did not intend.

Holding onto Baggage

If you have past experiences that have tainted your view of oral sex, you need to know that God is a God that can heal anything – even that. Don’t hold onto it as an excuse for living in a very small world. God wants us to live in wide open spaces and enjoy all that He has given us.

Does He Really Want To?

Many times women in class express their concern that their husbands really don’t want to be down there. We worry that we smell bad or taste bad. For starters, show the same consideration for your husband that you want, by slipping into the shower for a quick freshen up. Then, rather than worrying about whether your husband wants to be down there, ask him. Most husbands love to give their wives pleasure and it is a thrill to get to know you in that way. And when they tell you that they love it, believe them.


One of the challenges of receiving oral sex, is just that, receiving. While our husbands don’t seem to have any trouble, laying back and relaxing does not come naturally to us. Our heads are filled with what we ought to be doing, and worrying about our husbands having to work so hard. Sex needs to be a balance of serving and receiving. Would you like it if your husband continually gave you gifts but would never receive a gift from you? Be a blessing to your husband by letting him give to you.

Maintaining Connection

Recently, as I find myself wanting to be more present and connected in sex, I struggle with the physical distance between us during oral sex –  funny that I don’t feel that way when I am treating my husband. Anyway, some of the things that have helped me stay connected are maintaining eye contact. Even during oral sex? Yep. I also need to feel his hands supporting my body, in a sense anchoring me -letting me know that he has me, and I can let go.

Ladies can you trust your husband, let go of the reins, lay back and just receive? Can you enjoy all that God has given us – tastes, smells, touches – to the fullest? Live in wide open spaces, God loves you that much.

Husbands check out my detailed outline to help men love their wives with oral sex based on Ian Kerner’s book “She Comes First – the thinking man’s guide to pleasuring a woman” called How to Love Your Wife with Oral Sex

Originally Published as Oral Delight on Nov 10, 2014

Comments 12

  1. Ruth, I can tell you as the husband that absolutely nothing gives me a greater sense of accomplishment than to rock my wife’s world in this way…nothing! And when I do it just right her reaction is over the top. My absolute favorite.

  2. Well, i can say that i enjoy doing this as well, issue is my wife doesn’t enjoy it. She doesn’t enjoy orgasms outside of intercourse. She used to go off on her own before marriage and in the early years but has stopped. Wish she could enjoy it.

    • I can relate to this though. I find an orgasm from oral sex to be more intense but shallower and they very quickly turn into too much so that I have to literally recoil from my husband’s touch, which feels like an awful way to finish. We “resort” to oral sex if intercourse isn’t an option for whatever reason, but I *much* prefer to orgasm during intercourse. It is a slower, deeper, and longer orgasm that is ten times more satisfying to me. I will choose that over oral every time.

  3. Just a little bit of coconut oil after washing helps me to feel better about the ick-factor too, though my husband assured me there is nothing icky about it. Although now we have this problem where any food with a hint of coconut tastes like sex. 😂

    For me, I just have to push through the initial insecurity until arousal takes over. The first couple of minutes are me worrying about him: “Is he comfortable? Does his neck hurt? Am I taking too long? Is he bored?” But eventually I’m able to move on and enjoy.

    That is an interesting point though… Why *is* receiving often easier for guys? Perhaps their ability to better compartmentalize than most women?

    • Kay~ ‘pushing thru until arousal takes over’, yes – isn’t that the truth? We’ve read that arousal precedes desire in the female. Gosh, learning from one another literally can take a lifetime. I’m wondering about your “why” question: over time do those female\male differences recede and then evaporate? (the jury is still out, no?)

      • mm

        I don’t think our difference evaporate. That is our natural tendencies remain the same, but I do believe we can grow and learn new ways to respond. I have consciously tried to be more spontaneous, worry less, and even enjoy just receiving.

  4. I would like to add an endorsement to the book, “She Comes First.” It is totally secular, but he is rarely crass, and it has only line drawings. The information and techniques are very helpful. One of his major tenets is that oral sex is not foreplay, but the major event. His idea is that the husband should extensively prepare his wife for it, and that in doing so, she will have seismic orgasms. That has been our experience since I have added this dimension to our love-making.

  5. My wife is so turned on by oral sex so I consider it pure joy to give it to her and to see her reach her orgasmic plateu is so satisfying for me. Unforrtunately after one big bang she is done for the night given her medical condition.

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