One of my favorite articles, “The amusement park of orgasms” describes clitoral orgasms as “The Roller Coaster Dip.” Those mind blowing orgasms that swoosh down a free fall as they release every ounce of sexual tension in your body. They can leave you feeling like a blob of putty unable to move, speak or think. Clitoral orgasms result from stimulation of the clitoris using hands, mouth, or whatever.
Direct stimulation of the clitoris is the most reliable way for most women to orgasm. They are usually the most clearly defined orgasm especially if intercourse is not taking place at the same time. Clitoral orgasms radiate out from a clearly defined point all the way to the ends of finger tips, toes and or the top of the head.
Let Your Fingers Do the Walking
For women that have never had an orgasm, giving yourself the freedom for self-exploration may be the best thing you ever do for your marriage. A book I read recently that worked with pre-orgasmic women, suggested spending an hour every day for 2-5 weeks to figure out what works for you. That sounds like an enormous amount of time but why not? When we learn how to play an instrument or a sport, we commit to practice on a regular basis for years. So why not commit to learning your body, so that you and your husband can enjoy sex together for years?
Even for women that orgasm on a regular basis, orgasms resulting from self stimulation can physically feel the strongest. We might feel guilty or wonder how this can be, but it is not surprising clitoral orgasms from self stimulation feel strong.
When we touch ourselves, we create an instant feedback response. We know just how far we can go to ride the peak of pleasure. We can hang out there for as long as we want as we build tension. When we are ready, we let ourselves go racing down the curl. We have no distractions, wondering if our spouse is getting bored, or tired. We picture our spouse touching us just right, saying exactly what we need to hear, and taking us for an unbelievable ride.
So how do we make this a part of our marriage bed?
Showing What You Know
If you have never let your spouse watch while you pleasure yourself, this may be a whole new way of “knowing” each other. Start slowly and just stroke your body casually during sex. As you get more comfortable, touch your genitals during intercourse. When you are on top, your spouse will love the view. Ask your husband if he would like to watch you sometime. Some people feel they should never touch their own body, but there is nothing biblical that supports this stance. I would argue that if you let your spouse into your private world, they are getting to know you in a whole new way.
If your spouse is open to watching, you might start by getting warmed up without him in the room. Ask him to quietly enter, as if he walked in on you and couldn’t help but join in.
As you gain more confidence, include him and let him be part of the process. Sometimes 4 hands is better than 2. Give him permission to really watch what you are doing. A husband can learn a ton of information just from watching.
So let your fingers do the walking, and take your husband for the ride of his life.
Originally Published as Let Your Fingers Do the Walking on Oct 27, 2014