Expectations – Shoulds and Should Nots

Expectations about sex create pressure that sabotages intimacy. Whether you worry about what you “should do” or what you “shouldn’t do”, expectations prevent you from enjoying the moment.

“Should Nots”

As a woman that grew up in church, there were plenty of “Should nots” that were implied about sex .

  • Don’t do it till you’re married
  • Christians don’t talk about it
  • Good girls don’t do those things
  • Don’t think about it


“Shoulds”  come from all kinds of sources, our parents, our church, and the world. They cover us with expectations preventing us from becoming the person God created us to be. We begin living what others say we are instead of the unique individual He created. We limit what we can allow ourselves to experience because of the “should” in our head. In our sexuality we reveal so much of who we are. If we let the “should” hold us back, than we will never really “know” each other. So what do we do?

Steps to Eliminate Expectations

Step 1- Identify the “should” or “should not”.

Step 2 – Measure it against God’s Truth and intention for our marriage bed. Throw out what is not within his safe boundaries

Step 3 – Try it on for size. Sometimes you don’t know if you might enjoy something until you take it for a test drive

Step 4 – Decide if it is really who you are. Be true to who God created you to be

Is it possible that getting rid of all the “shoulds” in sex, is a bit like having a relationship with God. Instead of trying to be good or follow the rules,  we choose to fall hopelessly in love with Him. Trusting that when we let go of control and worship Him in utter surrender, we are at our best.

This week, get rid of the “shoulds” or “should nots”  and understand what it is to love your husband with utter abandon. Your mission this week, is to initiate sex with your husband with a  passion that reveals how much you desire him and love him.

Originally Published as Getting Rid of the “Should” of “Should Not” on April 3, 2014

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