When I got married, I didn’t know that sex with my husband would be so much better after 28 years of marriage than it was at 2 years of marriage – but it is. Sex just keeps getting sweeter and sweeter. But it hasn’t always been this way.
Fireworks flew at our honeymoon because we had already spent a year practicing. We crossed lines that we shouldn’t have and reveled in the purely physical pleasures of sex. But there was no foundation for moving forward. Buried underneath was sin, silence and a lack of understanding that would eventually turn into guilt, resentment and frustration. As kids came and busyness took over I became the gate keeper.
It wasn’t until I took a study on Song of Songs that I woke up and realized how much we were missing. Sex was not supposed to be this purely physical thing that took place in the silence of the dark. Sex was supposed to be a holy sacred experience where we danced naked and unashamed in the light.
We began the hard work of undoing the damage we carried and creating the intimacy God desired. We read Sheet Music by Kevin Leman and as things came up we talked about them. I shared secrets from my past that I still carried in shame and we prayed over them. We both repented and prayed over crossing lines before marriage that we knew we shouldn’t. We also began talking about physical challenges and struggles in sex and working through them.
Things got better, but it wasn’t until a fitful night of feeling unsatisfied and realizing my poor husband would never meet all of my needs – only God could – that things really began to change. I released my husband from the ball and chain of trying to make me happy and I realized my dependence on God.
We brought God into our marriage bed, started praying together and reading the Bible together. We learned about God’s design for sex and stepped into it. Sometimes we go on a journey to see what we can discover about each other – physically, emotionally, spiritually. Other times we become one because we need to get on the same page, or communicate something that we cannot communicate with words. We reach to comfort or restore each other because we know they are hurting. Sometimes we just enjoy the pleasure that God has blessed our bodies with. When we have sex we are 100% present – mind, body and soul – and we experience a freedom with each other that I never dreamed possible.
Proverbs 5:19 – She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you ALWAYS be captivated by her love.
Don’t believe the lie sex in marriage is supposed to get boring. Yes, there will be ebbs and flows, and times that you need to adapt. But God’s design is to know each other through sex, so shouldn’t sex get better and better?
With your spouse discuss the reasons you believe God created sex and what that means.
Share some of the physical challenges of sex, pray over them and commit to help find solutions.
Be an encouragement to other couples and share by commenting how your marriage has gotten sweeter over time.