Keeping the Creativity Going

The other night during the Awaken-Love Men’s Edition class we were talking about battling the lie that “Sex within marriage is boring.” I was sharing that I believe women are amazingly creative in the bedroom. In Song of Songs 7:11-12, she plans an outdoor rendezvous for the two of them to enjoy. They go to the vineyards early, before anyone else is there, and have sex outside.

Naturally, the men were eager to convey that they had no problem if their wife wanted to plan an outdoor adventure – or anything else that was creative. And then the question came up,

“If my wife is naturally creative, how do I get her to tap into her creativity?”

I have to be honest, beyond the obvious answers of creating a safe place and affirming the creative things that she does, I didn’t have much of an answer. So I have been chewing on it all week, and I have an idea…

Song of Songs is filled with passages that I like to call “The Battle of the Compliments.” It is as if they are trying to out do each other. He compliments her. Then she replies with her own compliment of telling him how wonderful he is. Then he tries to outdo her – and on and on it goes…

So here is my advice –

If you want your wife to be creative in the bedroom, then you had better get on board and plan something yourself.

Every time your wife puts on a piece of lingerie she makes herself vulnerable. When she texts you about sex or shows you a new position she takes a risk. If she creates a scenario that she knows you are going to find hot, she is puts herself out there.  It is awesome for you and equally exciting for her as you both enjoy her creativity.

But if you never plan anything for her, you can bet that she is going to get discouraged and may stop.

Imagine if the opposite happened… She planned this little rendezvous that she knew you would find absolutely amazing. You both thoroughly enjoyed it and talked about it all week. A few days later, you surprised her by mixing some special songs for the two of you on a CD. You laid out a hot outfit for each of you to wear on the bed and set the stage. While you danced to the music in your bedroom, you took turns removing articles of clothing.

She would be so thrilled that the next week she would be thinking, “What can I plan next?” 

The two of you would be in this battle to see who could outdo the other.

How fun would that be?

So, if you want your spouse to really tap into their creativity, be prepared to tap into your own creativity. When your wife takes even the smallest step – maybe wearing nicer sleepwear, or a new sexy outfit to dinner, or talking during sex, or surprising you – let them know that you noticed. Share a part of yourself and plan something that you think would be fun, exciting or meaningful for your spouse.

And ladies, the same goes for you!

Let’s see if we can outdo each other. 

Anyone have some fun examples of trying to outdo each other?


Comments 5

  1. I am totally on board with this idea, we love to up the ante sometimes. Sometimes it’s a favorite position as a reward. Sometimes it’s challenging the other to go just a bit harder on pace. Sometimes it’s daring the other to use naughty words that the other likes to hear. It’s fun!

  2. This so good and just one more note to encourage us to both be involved in building the relationship. Thats why we got married in the first place “to work together and love each other physically ” but so often the work of life crowds out creativity in marriage and especially pursuing each other sexually! Sad but to to true. Female reader you have some good ideas too!! Next week is our 38th anniversary and I look forward to it like I did to our honeymoon. Woohoo!!!! Time to love up on each other to connect talk and share our hearts and bodies in an unhurried atmosphere for 5 days and nights. I would like to read a post on how couples celebrate anniversaries? Talk about time to express creativity!! Check out That was helpful as we learned that on a getaway if you really plan it is so much better than if you just walk in tuckered out and in need of rest. Some really good thoughts on pulling the stops and really venting in good way your love on each other.

      • We use regular board games. Our favorite lately is Sorry. If you go back 4 spaces, you choose where you get a tingly touch (lightly running your fingertips or fingernails over skin) for 1 minute. Using a Sorry card earns you 1 minute of licking from your partner wherever you want. Getting a man all the way home earns you 1 minute of kissing or rubbing the body part of your choice. Winning the game gets you a 1 minute kiss and hug, which is really a win for both of you.

        Whatever game you choose, (we stick to games that are mostly games of chance) pick 3-4 things that repetitively happen and add a reward to those things that you both agree on. (Example.-Rolling any doubles on the first roll (Yahtzee) or adding a child to your car (Life)) We write our rules/rewards down before a game as it’s easy to forget what reward with what thing, although that might just be us.

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