Up Close and Personal – Watching Her Vulva

There came a time in my life when in order for me to believe that my husband loved all of me, I wanted him to actually see all of me – even my vulva. I wanted him to not just know my vulva with his hands or his mouth – but with his eyes.

There is a huge contrast between the typical experience of a woman touching a man, and a man touching a woman.

When a woman touches a man’s penis, it is completely normal for both husband and wife to watch what is happening – in fact I would say it is almost hard to ignore. It is like this show that demands their full attention until the fireworks fly.  It is mesmerizing and amazing and everyone knows it.

But when a man touches a women’s vulva, it is normal for both husband and wife to be completely visually disconnected from what is going on. He kisses her and embraces her, and secretly slips a hand between her legs. Nobody talks about it or looks and they barely acknowledge that it is happening besides the occasional uncomfortable attempt at guidance or direction. It is just some anonymous thing that happens between her legs, while the real attention is lavished in more acceptable places. There is no grand finale to be eagerly watched for or anticipated from her vulva, but it is the more subtle clues of ecstasy that are awaited.

Contrary to what is commonly believed, maybe mostly by ourselves, our bodies are amazing. And though changes during arousal are not as obvious, a careful student of his wife will notice engorgement, physical changes  and even color changes. So maybe sometimes a husband ought to enjoy the show up close and personal and give his wife a sensual play by play of the amazing show that he sees and feels.

Tell your wife that you want to get to know her body more and that you would like to watch as you arouse her with your hands and take her over the top. Set up soft lights, and warm the room to make her comfortable. Have her gently spread her legs as you kneel between them. Keep your free hand on her legs or body to hold her steady and connected. Take her in with your eyes as you work your magic with your hands.For variety try  a thumb or palm. Smile at her once in a while, voice your pleasure  as you enjoy her pleasure, and

let her know just how amazed you are.

Ruth Buezis


Comments 5

  1. Absolutely an amazing privilege to do this and should do it more! Thanks for the reminder. I used to feel guilty about looking closely at her vulva but absolutely love seeing it and touching it and enjoying it.

  2. This was a huge step for me in overcoming the gross factor I just couldn’t shake. 8 years into my marriage I still wouldn’t allow my husband to perform oral sex because I thought it was gross and I was gross. My husband wanted to help me overcome this hangup and did of his own accord what you described here. I felt extremely awkward and uncomfortable until he looked up at me with this sense of awe and simply said, “You’re beautiful.” Seeing as he only rarely says that about my face (he is a man of few words), it was extremely powerful.

  3. Elizabeth Barrenness

    Just came across this piece. Very powerful. Some people see rocks, dirt and a hole in the ground – others see the beauty of the Grand Canyon. Some see nature dying and the debris it creates – others see the splendor of brilliant colors of the New England fall. For men, nothing tops the beauty of his wife – including her vulva. It is sad when the visual nature of men want to take in the beauty of their woman’s vulva and the woman thinks it’s ugly, dirty or just should not be seen.

    • mm

      We have received many messages that make us believe our vulva is dirty. What an amazing thing when we embrace ourselves- for our own sake and our hudband

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