Sex Communicates Who We Are

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I have this theory that the way we have sex , communicates who we are. The positions we use or the words we speak communicates something about us. The environment we create, or how we hold each other express who we are at that moment in time.

Say Something Through Sex

If sex is about getting to “know” each other, than what we do during sex needs to say something about us. Not just something about our overall character, like we are an introvert, a clean freak or dramatic. Sex ought to express what kind of day we had. Sex should show how we are feeling at that moment, or what we desperately need. If we used no words at all during sex, could our spouse tell –

  • if we had a good day or bad day?
  • whether we were feeling playful or sensuous?
  • if we were insecure or confident?

I think part of the reason sex can become boring is because we just go thru the motions. It is as if we are talking to our husband and we just keep saying the same sentence over and over, with the same tone of voice and with the same expression on our face. We already know what we are going to say and so does he.

Next Thursday we begin a series of articles about positions – intercourse positions, oral sex positions, manual sex positions, foreplay and whatever else we can think of. Our goal is not to just describe the physical placement or alignment of body parts but to tie the position to different emotions and expressions. Feel free to send us suggestions of what you want covered. We want to explore and stretch you in how to reveal yourself to your spouse. Some things are just too hard to put into words – or maybe words are just inadequate –  but I think God gave us the gift of sex as a supernatural way to communicate. So let’s start communicating.

Ruth Buezis

Comments 10

  1. I love this idea that sex should change as our mood or needs change. I wonder if this is why I am so bothered that my best friend and her husband are doing nothing to remedy his PE problem. She is basically only able to receive oral in order to finish and they feel they have no other options (that would last longer than 30 seconds anyway), and that just feels too shallow to me. My hubby and I definitely have different moves for different moods and needs and I would be extremely sad to lose even one of those, let alone be limited to one. 🙁

    • mm

      Change is hard and your friends may feel that nothing can ever change. In fact just talking about it is hard and many of us love to avoid conflict at all costs – whether it means we are missing out on something or not. I would be very gentle in encouraging her that change is possible – but it takes openess, support, communication and commitment.

  2. Hey Ruth,

    I’m excited to see where you take this, my wife and I have an amazing sex life, we use multiple positions each time, (3 favorites and 1 or 2 others depending on the mood). My wife has never been one for foreplay, if we get to 2 minutes she just gets annoyed. I think this is a lot of why I’m so unfamiliar with a lot of her body and what it likes.

    So, I would love some help in this area, parts to touch and the types of touch they each enjoy. She primarily like man on top positions which make it difficult to use my hands in many positions, but I really want to stretch myself in this area.

    Thanks for any help, and thanks for your wonderful blog!

  3. I have said it before and will say it again, the most helpful practical advice about intercourse that I’ve ever gotten has come from your site. My husband is very happy and I feel like ‘100% woman, 100% wife’ because of that. Thank you so much!

  4. I really love this idea!! Like you, I believe very deeply that positions, words, and environment matter a great deal in sexuality and tell a lot about the kind of day we’re having. I would also certainly add pace and intensity to the discussion, as well. i’m one who enjoys a more frenetic and furious pace to sexuality and would love to see others thoughts. Thank you for addressing this.

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