The more I get to know my husband’s body , the more I find it absolutely AMAZING! For the next 3 weeks we are going to spend time getting to know our husband’s body and we are going to start with his penis. 

Song of Songs 5:14  His body is like polished ivory
    decorated with sapphires.

ivory tuskThe penis is probably the most prominent part of our husband’s body and it is most closely associated with what it means to be a man. When it is cooperating it is their pride and joy, but when it is not, it can create anxiety that snow balls into greater anxiety. Men worry over not lasting long enough, or getting or maintaining an erection. Their erect penis is their greatest joy or their greatest defeat.

As wives, it is easy to think that an erection is under our husband’s conscious control, but really it is the opposite. They can get an erection when they least expect it and at the most inopportune times. If they try to think their way to an erection, they will fail hopelessly. An erection happens when the mind is free from worry and when the body is simply enjoying what it experiences. I always tell ladies, if your husband has offered to just cuddle with no expectation, and you suddenly realize he is poking you, he has not reneged on his agreement. He simply has no control over the situation and is fine with just cuddling if that is what you want.

A little anatomy lesson

The mushroom shaped head of the penis is packed with nerves and highly sensitive. Similar to our clitoral head, it can be painfully sensitive after orgasm and may appreciate a more indirect approach during stimulation. The ridge of the penis, where the head meets the shaft, is the favorite area for focused stimulation – which is similar to pulling on the skin around our clitoral head. On the underside of the ridge is a small attachment of skin called the frenulum which some say is the sweetest spot. The shaft enjoys long connected movements, similar to our inner lips.

The penis has no natural lubrication, so lather it up with coconut oil or your favorite lube. Erections happen because his brain has signaled for an increased flow of blood to the penis and a decreased flow out. The increased blood pressure closes back flow valves and the blood is trapped in the penis until orgasm, or signals change. It is not unusual as men age for these valves not to work as well resulting in slower erections. Foreplay becomes an important part of sex for older men.

How well do you know your husband’s penis?

During intercourse, you really don’t get to know your husband’s penis very well – up close and personal. Part of getting to know our husband through sex, is getting to know his penis. One of the assignments during Awaken-Love study is just this – to spend 20 minutes getting to know your husband’s penis. That means, surprise him so that you can take him from a point of being flaccid, to aroused, to highly aroused, to cocked and loaded, to finished. You can use your hands, your mouth, or any other part of your body. Try to feel him and the changes in his body. Watch him with your eyes and listen for changes in heart rate or breathing.  Our husband’s penis is his best friend and we want to be able to handle it with confidence.

You might be surprised, but it can feel really enjoyable for a man to be touched in the flaccid state. You can take more of him in your mouth, and you will touch him differently with your hands. It can be more fluid and rolling around in playful ways, or even just holding still. See if you can feel him begin to fill with blood as arousal begins.


As he becomes aroused, his body is waking up to more driving sensations. Don’t be in a hurry to take him anywhere, just see what you can discover. Play with him lightly to prolong things. See if you can get his penis to search you out when you tease it with soft touches. Play with his head with a soft bantering of movements. Pet it with long strokes that do not encompass it. Experiment with different locations of stimulation by focusing on one area at a time – the underside of the shaft, the sides of the shaft, the top of the shaft, the ridge, or the head. Try to gauge what it enjoys or ask your husband some questions that he can answer in one or two words.

Spend time fully holding his penis in a state of stillness – with your mouth or your hand. While you hold him try a smooth connected stimulation of just the frenulum by sinking your tongue into it, or using your thumb to slowly massage it.

Support the base of the penis and try different strokes of the shaft using different grips. Experiment with stopping short of the ridge versus pulling over the ridge. Try different pressures and different speeds. If you match his intensity, he will most likely progress. If you hold back, he will most likely cool down.

High Arousal

As he becomes highly aroused, visually pay attention to what his testicles are doing. When he is very excited they will hug his body, which I like to call “ripe peaches”.

When you finish him, pay attention to changes in his penis. Really try to feel what is happening to his body. Can you feel the skin turn paper thin as he is stretched to the highest point of arousal? Can you feel the coursing of fluid even before it happens? As he ejaculates can you feel the pulsing of his body as the tension leaves his body?

A note on aging

Our husband’s penis changes as he ages and he may get to a point where foreplay is as important to him as it is to us. Aging can cause erections to become much more problematic for many reasons, but orgasms can happen even without an erection if you are willing to redefine sex to include things besides intercourse. You can also experience orgasm without ejaculation. Sex may be different, but it can still be great, if you are willing to adapt.

God created your husband with an amazing body that is so different from ours and yet so similar. Spend time getting to know him. As you gain confidence and build trust, the possibilities become endless. His penis is his best friend – shouldn’t it be yours too?

Next week – I will share ideas about those peaches.

Ruth Buezis

Comments 15

  1. Dear Ruth, your article “His amazing Body” part one is absolutly fabulous. My Wife Elisabeth (65) and I (63 next week) love this verry informative style of yours. Maybe you could expound a little more on “aging”. We are looking forward of being part of this study. Continue doing the good work. You should come to germany with your Husband.
    Blessings to all you

    • mm

      Thanks for your encouragement. I am wondering if you have read any of Joan Price’s books on aging like Naked at Our Age. She is a secular author so you have to pick and choose what is appropriate for your marriage but she has a lot of good information.
      I would love to have your wife take the study sometime. We have been experimenting with different concepts of making it more accessible using things like live streaming you tube videos or making an interactive small group video series available. Please pray that God would open the right doors and give us clear direction.

  2. Ruth,
    thank you for this reply. I have read all the books by Joan Price. I am a Publisher and my Wife and I run a Christian Bookstore. I thought it would be good having a condensed Version of Yours from a Christian Perspective. Because of time difference it would be difficult for my Wife to be in a livestreaming situation (Central European timezone). We will pray for You. Oh by the Way ….are you wrighting something? I know someone who would like to publsh something from You in german!!!

    • mm

      I am not writing something – I am focused on trying to make Awaken-Love classes available to as many women as possible. We are exploring creating a video series that could be used in at home studies. If your wife is interested in class, she could watch a recorded version of the class or she could try out out initial concepts of a video series, or she could wait till we have a better video series available. If she is interested, have her email me directly at ruth.awakenlove@gmail.com
      Blessings, Ruth

  3. Thank you for this wonderful..and thorough post.

    So many women, I feel, do not want to get that up close an personal with their husbands penis. Hopefully that will change.

    We men should get to know our wife’s vagina in detail as well. Truly knowing your partner’s body will not only enhance one’s marriage bed but can also enhance desire for both spouses to play more rather than jump to intercourse.

    God Bless.

    • mm

      Thanks for the great comment. I am guessing that at some point I will have an article on getting to know the wife, in fact that is one of the homework assignments we have planned for Awaken-Love Men’s Addition – the class to compliment the women’s class.
      Blessings, Ruth

  4. Thank you for this wonderful and thorough post.

    So many women, I feel, do not want to get up close and personal with their husbands penis.

    Hopefully that will change with the help of posts like this.

    We men should get to know our wife’s vagina in detail as well. Getting to truly know and understand how our partners body works will not only enhance the marriage bed but will increase one’s desire to play more instead of just jumping to intercourse.

    God Bless,

  5. What is a wife to do when he refuses to receive oral sex? (And give). I am beyond surprised that the vast majority of men would LOVE to receive it and mine doesn’t. He limits our sex life greatly, happy with a few basics and same old guarantee. I have largely accepted this as how it is going to be and can find contentment in predictability, but in the background, I still am racking my brain trying to figure this out.

    • mm

      I just heard a talk recently on communicating with our teenagers. It talked about the goal of communication has to be understanding and not convincing. Seek to create a safe environment where you truly want to understand your husband. As you seek to understand your husband, maybe he understands himself better. He may not even know why. Talking is hard and talking about sex is even harder. Pray beforehand – to be loving, nonjudgemental, not overly sensitive, not controlling – to just hear. And create this environment continually. Hopefully as you build trust and share yourself, he will open up.

  6. At some point will you be mentioning body fluids? Not just the semen, but the drop or two of body fluids that may leak from the penis when fully aroused? That it is normal and not at all harmful. I wonder if a lot of women think a mans fluids are “icky” and where those thoughts might come from.

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