GREAT EXPECTATIONS – The Importance of Our Mind During Intercourse

The last 8 weeks we’ve been talking about How to have an orgasm during intercourse, and much of that time we’ve been talking about very physical aspects of sex.

Week 1 – the realities of orgasm during intercourse and ground rules

Week 2 – the importance of kegels for both him and her

Week 3 – the importance of talking about sex and how to do it

Week 4 – how to train our bodies to become more flexible in their responsiveness

Week 5 – the 3 main pathways for women to experience orgasm during intercourse

Week 6 – what our husbands can do to help in this journey

Week 7 – harnessing the power of the mind

Week 8 – the most successful positions and movements to have an orgasm during intercourse

It is important not to get lost in the technique and miss out on connecting with our spouse. If we are so focused on what the next move will be, or worrying about whether something is working, than are we really there? Are we really connecting?

Intercourse is supposed to be one of the most intimate acts that we can experience, and yet for many years it did not feel intimate at all to me. It felt like this thing that was being done to me, rather than something that I was joining in on.

So what changed? I decided to start having sex with God’s design in mind.

Know each other

God designed sex so that we might” know” each other. As you work towards having an orgasm during intercourse, don’t miss out on the opportunity to allow your husband to know you. Don’t become so focused on the goal of orgasm that you miss connecting with your husband.  Don’t be in such a hurry to get to the finish line, that you cannot enjoy the journey.

Connect with your eyes

Look into your husband’s eyes, and stop time for a moment, as you search his soul. I love to imagine and dream that as my husband and I lock eyes, he will know my thoughts. I try to express my thoughts with my eyes, and fully expect that one day my husband will know what I am thinking.

Connect with your words

Pull each other back to connection with your words when you feel that one of you has drifted. Short phrases like, “hey”, “can you feel me?”, or “I see you” will bring the other back. Use your words to arouse your spouse by sharing what you are thinking. Lead with your words by vocalizing what you want your spouse to do. Can you imagine the power of words when you are so connected that you know when your spouse is right at the edge of the cliff, and gently speak, “just let go.”

Intercourse Play

You can reveal how you feel or what mood you are in by the way you have intercourse.

If I am feeling insecure or sensitive, I love to have my husband cover my body. I like him to sandwich me between the bed and his strength. Quick movements or sudden loss of contact can feel as if I just fell off a cliff, while connected movements hold me secure.

When I am in a playful mood, there is no position that I am not game for. It is about teasing each other and surprising each other. There is easy give and take in who leads and what position is next. My eyes are open anticipating my next move and enjoying the show of our bodies joining together.

When I am feeling gutsy and confident, then I am ready to fully expose myself as I take charge. I enjoy my husband’s eyes on me and give him a show. I move like I want to move, I put his hands were I want them, and I make sure that he knows without a doubt that I am charge.

When I am feeling sensuous, I love to move so slowly that he can feel every fiber of my being. I like to have my body stretched and taut as the tension builds. When I am in tune to stillness, I can feel the smallest intention that can lead to a ripple of goodness.

I tell you all this so that you can think about how to communicate with each other during intercourse. You can communicate what mood you are in, or who you are at that moment in time.

You can know each other.

Become One

God also created sex so that we might become one. Even though I believe that God makes us “one” no matter what kind of sexual pleasure we are enjoying, I think there is something different that can happen during intercourse.

During intercourse, our bodies fit together and we can dance. We can move as one, where we are so in tune to our spouse’s pleasure, that our reaction is based on the tug and pull that their body desires. I am not thinking about what I need to do to make things feel good for me, or feel good for him, I just am.

Learning to dance does not happen overnight. It takes years of learning who you are, learning who your spouse is, learning to feel, and stopping your brain from thinking. It is something that you work towards for a life time, and that I am still working towards. God has given me glimpses and I desire more.

Learning to dance does not happen by trying to take control, but by releasing control. It happens when there are no expectations, no conditions, and no rules. It happens when there are no walls, no division and no self-preservation.

Dancing takes place in the Holy of Holies. It is the closest we will get to the Garden of Eden until we arrive in heaven.

Final Thoughts

Enjoy this journey. Whether you ever have an orgasm during intercourse, learn to enjoy feeling your husband fill you up. Taste every taste, smell every scent, feel every touch, and see to the depths of each other’s soul.  Let go and enjoy the ride. God is good.

Comments 2

  1. Being kind of new but reviewing most of your posts this has got to be one of the most monumental and useful posts for a woman. I am saying that from a man’s point of view. The journey is 10 times more important than the destination and always makes the destination much better ! If you know what I mean?
    As important as orgasm is the unifying blessing of shared touch on the way toward orgasm is also incredibly bonding! As we get older I love going near the edge but not over and the excitement that, that builds for getting back together. Specially if a man is 50 or more and has some erection issues this can be very helpful. Remember that restraint is the secret of all great art and sex is an artform that needs like you say a Big creative brush and a variety of color to be the most beautiful. Keep encouraging men and women as you have a very special gift of communicating about this central an important topic to a good marriage. “Sexual lovemaking”

  2. The “final thoughts” on this post are extremely important and need some thinking through! Seeing feeling and being touched in your soul, being filled in your body by him and purpose get to enjoy it, Will also fill your soul and make you more content in your relationship. And it goes the other way when it woman is into enjoying the man, her man’s emotional cup will be full and sex Will be much more satisfying. So so very true!

Join the Conversation by Leaving a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.