My husband and I have always had a good marriage, and once we got things figured out, our sex life was good – but it is completely different now!
We used to have sex when my hormones surged, or I was feeling guilty because it had been too long. For me, the hormone surges occurred around ovulation and right before my period. I decided whether the gate was open, and my patient husband waited for the signal.
I often hear that for men sex is physical, but I look back and realize that sex was completely physical for me. I let my hormones determine when I wanted to have sex.
My sex life has changed drastically since I have a new understanding of God’s design. I CRAVE my husband and the connection between us. I miss him and actually get grumpy when sex is not happening.
It’s kind of like running. When I first started running, it was painful, it was drudgery, and it was the last thing that I wanted to do. After running on a regular basis for several months, it gradually got easier and it became something I looked forward to. I missed it when I couldn’t run.
But if you only train once a week, running will never get any easier, and it will never become something you crave. It will only be drudgery.
The longer women go without sex, the more we could care less and the less responsive we will be. The more sex we have, the more we will desire it and the more responsive we will become. This is a well-known fact that most women agree with.
So if we desire for our sex life to become more than our hormones driving us, what do we do?
First, we have to get our head on straight. We need to realize that God created sex for us as much as our husbands. Even though we may never have a hormonal drive like our husbands, sex is important for us. Think about how connected you feel to your husband after great sex.
Second, we need to make sure that we are having great sex. We must be present, getting to know each other, communicating our needs and enjoying things that work for us as well as our husbands.
Third, we need to have sex often enough that we miss it when it is not happening. I will not give you a magic number, but you must recognize after a certain amount of tiime, you desire your husband less, and at some point you desire him more. Wouldn’t it be an awesome thing to get where you miss him? Could you actually get to the point where you CRAVE your husband?
When I began my journey toward becoming a wife who engaged in sexual intimacy with intentional consistency, I would have never dreamed that I’d crave it eventually. You are absolutely right. It will happen even if you are low-libido. Sexual intimacy creates a connection between your souls like nothing else.
Thanks for the comment.
I can vouch for this. I almost didn’t marry at all because I had no drive whatsoever, but somewhere after that first week, I just intentionally, by the grace of God, focused on being intimate with my husband, and my love and desire for him increased geometrically, and still continue to increase. So what was a big concern to me – that I would never make my husband happy – turned out to be no big deal. I still don’t get genital pleasure and I don’t feel that kind of desire, but I feel a strong emotional desire and I get a wonderful enjoyment from our activity and his joy. All by the grace of God, because I do not otherwise know how this came to be.
I disagree with the frequecy comment. Once a week is fine for some couples. For others it’s not. You just can’t generalize like this. If you only go running once a week, you will, over time improve and benefit from it. My daughter has been going ice skatimg once a week for several years, she is infinitely better and more experienced than she was when she first started. Do it when it suits you both, don’t be pressured.